Where do I stand?

Sometimes I think to myself, where do I stand when it comes to friendships? I have always been very shy in making friendships with people, I only let selective few people come really close to me. That doesn't mean I am rude and I am not friendly. It just means, I won't share really personal details with everyone, neither would I be that open or THAT FRIENDLY and frank with them. I am only frank with a few people.

I have always talked to a lot of people, have been popular in school *in the good way of course* and in University too. A lot of people know me, but the problem is, they just know my name and that I exist. They don't really know who Aisha is. They don't know what Aisha likes or doesn't like, they don't talk to Aisha a lot, they don't interact with Aisha on a daily basis. Those people that Aisha likes and is really close to, she likes to talk to them on a daily basis, but then again there is a problem.

Those people that Aisha likes to talk to, are either busy, can't talk, meddled up in their own affairs to notice Aisha or something or the other. Aisha is shy and therefore Aisha doesn't have a lot of friends. A person who isn't shy and who immediately connects with everyone they come across, will have a lot of contacts, associations and acquaintances, but very few people they can really call friends.

I tend to make friends with people, few people but those kinds of people that I like to talk to and I know like to talk to me too. This doesn't mean I am not social or don't have connections, I am well connected, just that it is not that kind of a connection where I can call a friend up and ask him/her to come meet me for dinner and then just chat, smile and laugh the night away.

I keep people at a distance, I don't trust people that easily and only let selective few people come closer. That also it is NOT I who does that. Those people that come close to me, it is completely natural and not in my hand. I just bond so well with them and whenever I talk to them, I feel so happy and I laugh. It doesn't even matter if I talk to them after 1 day or after a week, if I talk to them I feel happy. These are the kinds of people, who in my head are my friends.

The thing is, I hardly make friends my age. It is either people 2 3 4 years younger than me, or people 3 4 5 years older than me. So it is every time either me being the pseudo elder sister in a friendship or me thinking myself as a younger sister to someone. Which should not be, unfortunately. Age doesn't matter. A person is a friend, that's it. Though it would be lovely if I can find a best friend who can be just like my sister.

I don't have any best friend at the moment, just good friends who I talk to once every other day etc. I want a friend who fulfils the requirements of being a best friend, acts exactly like the definition of a best friend and even more and who I talk to every day. I want that kind of a friend who you are really tight with!

Problem with me is, my mentality doesn't match the mentality of the Pakistani girls here. I have never been able to make friends with Pakistanis. Most of my friends have been Indians throughout my life. Indians or British. Even now that I am in Dubai, I hardly have any interest in going out in the city and searching for someone who could be a good friend to me. Why? Bloody internet of course.

I have so many friends in the UK and cousins as well. I have lets say virtual friends in the US too. For some reason I love talking to them more than people here in Dubai. All the time I keep thinking about when my Bachelors is going to finish so I can go to the UK or something and enjoy the UK life. Go back home in a way. I try to act Desi and enjoy bhangra and Indian Urdu songs, I speak all the languages, yet I don't get any desi friends. I get British Pakistani friends. Be it here in Dubai or back in England. I have friends here, one of my really good friend is British like me, originally from Pakistan.

I have noticed, even online on the internet. Be it Twitter, Facebook or some internet forum, I tend to make friends quicker with desis from UK. I have no idea why? If I start to write my friendship history, it will all be like people from the UK or in some cases the US coming in and out of my life. I just don't get close to pure Pakistani people. Not to say there hasn't been exceptions. There has been, but mostly I get along well with people from the UK. 

Okay I think I deviated from the blog entry topic? I just felt like venting actually. Maybe because I was feeling a bit low and just want people to talk to me. See I have like 900 followers on Twitter, but friends? Hardly any. Oh and another thing. You know the tweet that keeps emerging from time to time on Twitter, about how friends on Facebook become strangers and strangers on Twitter become your friends? I didn't believe in that before, now I am sure of it. It is true. SO TRUE. 

Anyway I am sure there's a friend out there for me, somewhere! Good night, blog! ;)