Good Night to Happiness

From the past 2, 3 days this is what I have been doing. I have been melancholy and a bit sad. I have been down because of the happenings of the past two weeks, had literally brought me down. They had literally brought tears to my eyes and made me really upset. I don’t even want to say it but yes, I DID WISH I WAS DEAD. Unfortunately, sometimes people really disappoint us. You know what they say, we ourselves give people the chance to hurt us. If we bring someone close to us, remove our barrier for them, we are giving them the keys and opportunity to hurt us, because they start to mean something to us. We stop being vigilant and cautious in the case of few people, then most of the times it is these people who fail to meet our expectations and baffle us with their stupidity. Eventually they end up hurting us real bad. Even bringing tears to our eyes.

What I believe is, people should really think twice before they say or do anything. Especially when it comes to friendship, that also good friendship. It is so easy to say something, disconnect from someone, break bonds and relations but once you do that and hurt the other person involved, it is very hard to gain them back, even if you do regret what you did. You know what they say in Urdu? “Talwaar ki chout banda bhool jata hai, but lafzoon ki chout kabhi nahi bholta. Hamesha yaad rakhta hai.” It means, the wounds from a sword can be forgotten, but a person can never forget the injuries caused to them by the spoken word. 

Anyway, I was pretty down from the past two three days, even though I tried to be happy and I controlled myself from remembering someone. You know what they say, some people become special to you, even though they weren’t in your life for long and when they leave, it really hurts. This is what happened with me too. A friend left too early from my life. I had just come to terms with some other friend hurting me so much, when this person came in to my life. I loved talking to them so much. I thought everything was going perfectly well, but not all good things last forever isn’t it. What I thought was going well, was apparently not going so well. 

The person lied to me about things, there were misunderstandings and I bloody hate the words never mind now. The person was not truthful to me and if they found some habit of mine weird or something, they should have told me and I would have rectified myself. This person had started to always fight and argue with me, whenever we would talk. This person deliberately fought and created misunderstandings. Misunderstandings etc. can be sorted out. They can be, if the other person tells the person if something is troubling them. This person kept saying to me everything is okay, or they ignored me and the end result was, them exiting my life. How nice is that. 

They did teach me a lot though. Never get close to any person and try to be their good friend. Never care for anyone, because they obviously don’t want you to care about them. There are other things as well, which they taught me. I will forever remember this lesson in life, which I learnt after this incident. Anyway point of this blog entry was that, I was sad and unhappy. Not going to lie, I was. Now I am not. 

The 23rd of December 2010, was a good day for me. I did not even think of this person even once, before now and their name only came in my mind now, because I am mentioning them in this blog entry. I was happy and I smiled throughout today. I was not sad or anything. I think I am forgetting them, which is a brilliant thing. If someone hurt you so much, if someone mistook your friendliness, if someone didn’t appreciate how much you cared for them, if someone brought tears to your eyes, if someone fought with you all the time and created misunderstandings, if someone didn't understand you at all, then why remember them at all? Why have bitter feelings in your mind whenever you think about them? You don’t want to think about them. That’s all. 

Time heals pain. Yes it does. Last time it took me like one month, this time it took me two days and I think it is because I have become mature enough to understand the gravity of the situation. I have the ability to handle this situation now, after going through past similar experiences. I am ashamed to say this. I feel guilty while even typing this. However, I did type this. I have realised that I don’t need them in my life. Why make someone a priority, when we are only one of the options for them? I have understood this really well now. 

Today I had an amazing day. I watched movies and laughed like anything. Smiled at my brother, made my mum be happy with me and gave her a hug, was nice to my sisters and even managed to treat dad nicely. I had fun today watching all those movies that I did. I watched Sorcerer's Apprentice, Tangled and Life As We Know It. I had an amazing time watching those movies and laughed to my heart’s content tonight as well.

I have brought my happiness back out from deep slumber. I thought I was never going to see my true happiness ever again. That wild kind of happiness, in which a person doesn’t even know what they are doing. Tonight I laughed so much, I had tears of joy in my eyes and I was really happy. I kept on smiling and I have not been this happy in ages. I have not laughed out loud like this in ages. Literally, I still am thanking god that my parents didn’t wake up. I could not control myself. 

A friend said to me “enjoy the roller coaster ride of life, as long as you are having fun.” she also said “feel good and smile, life’s too short to be sad.” What she doesn’t know is, how much these words had an impact on me. The more I talked with my friend, the happier and carefree I felt. I took her words to heart and I really am going to listen to her advice and not be sad. Life is too short mate. We forget the people that hurt us and we move on to newer greener pastures. 

So it has been proven that my happiness is back, that I am starting to forget that person and be happy again. I am really happy because of all this. I am happy because of how good the day went and I am happy to know that I can be happy and I am strong enough to be holding up really well AND still smiling, while I thought everything in my life was going wrong. I am happy to know I can forget people who hurt me easily now, I am happy to know I am moving on. I have multiple reasons to be happy and trust me happiness you bloody filthy bitch, I am holding on tightly to you, holding you really close to me and I am not letting you go anywhere this time around.