Another Chance at Life

Circumstances urge me to get a grip on my thoughts and pen them down. Thoughts about how life is so cruel sometimes, no matter what you do you cannot escape the harsh realities of it. This is why dear journal you are my confidante. The only place where I can safely pen down my thoughts without the fear of anyone abusing them or without them being read and misunderstood. It has been a total of 19 days to the incident. Slowly the memory of it is fading away and it seems like the incident never occurred. 19 days to the day I lost everything. The day I lost faith in hope and the goodness in the world. The day the good people showed their true colours. The day I truly found out who my real friends are. There is a phrase dear journal and it goes like this, true friends stick by you through thick and thin. They don’t abandon you at the first hint of slight trouble or turbulence.

A friend is supposed to help you in your bad times. At first my heart was crushed and I contemplated suicide. Thoughts of loneliness occurred in my mind and the thought of losing everything I held beloved was rancid to thy soul. It took days to recover from what had happened, the slight misfortune that god had decided to bestow on me. Was it my fault that god had gifted me with such a weakness which forced me to hide? Was it my fault that this weakness caused me to be ashamed of myself and forced me to find ways to cover it up? My heart said that it is not a good thing to do but my mind over rode what my heart said and asked me to do otherwise. I followed what my wits offered me and I came down to trickery. Blatant deception and falsehood had become a practice. It had become an obsession more so not even feeling anything wrong when resorting to it. Feelings of happiness had come to arise and those were backed by an inferiority complex.

Each time the complex was fed with deception, my soul felt more happy. My mind made me ruminate over the fact that deception is what works. Truth always hurts. It hurts more since people are not ready for the truth and sometimes even the person itself is not ready to face it. The person instead chooses to live a life full of fantasy and made up fabrications which blinds the person to the extent that the person cannot distinguish between reality and fantasy any longer. My soul had slowly been poisoned by this so called fantasy world that I was living in. When the mirror glass shattered and I got my head out of the clouds, it had been too late. I had turned in to an evil person. My soul had been darkened by all the deception. I was a helpless cause. I was experiencing an emotional death and finally the realisation dawned on me which followed with eight nine days of waterworks. Dear journal at this point, I was ready to somehow acquire a time machine to go back in time and re-do everything. Not only re-do everything but avoid the mistakes I had made and not tread on the path that had lead to this.

I was still naïve and did not understand the real underline meaning behind everything that had happened. Oh yes everything had happened for a reason. My judgement was clouded by emotions at that time and all I wanted to do was somehow go back in time and avoid the incident from happening and making things back to how they were. I was oblivious to the fact that even if I had taken a time machine and gone back in time, I would have forgotten why I went back in time or could have easily gone back to the path of destruction and deception. The real reason for all this happening was to make me aware that leading a deceptive life does not lead to anywhere and it just makes a person hollow from the inside. A hollow carrier which feeds in anything and follows anyone without thinking twice about what is right or wrong. I do not wish for a time machine anymore dear journal because I am glad about what had happened. Not only did this incident sift out the few but true friends that I have, but also it made me realise things sooner than later and made me re-think things about my life and how I want to proceed with it. After the whole incident I feel a big burden has been lifted off my shoulders. I no longer beg tears to come and nor do they come. I no longer wish to go back in time and be like them anymore and instead I wish to be even better than them. I have finally understood the priorities in life and what a poisonous affect that fantasy world had on me. I have finally mustered up enough courage to control myself and change myself for the better. In a real world with real causes.

All right dear journal, that was my sad story. Right now I have come out of this stronger than ever, and my head is much more clearer than before. I have found the ray of light which will take me back to being the good person that I was. I am proud to say that there are still people in this world who stick by you and help you through your bad times. I am honoured to have such people in my life. I also do realise that trust is built over time and as my soul heals, my innate quality in being a trustworthy particular will too. Life has given this sad, depraved soul another chance. Not going to waste it.


Popular posts from this blog

Psychology of Missing Someone

Physical Abuse - A Short Story

Citizen Journalism and Participatory Culture