Apology

A short story I wrote!

Feelings. Where are these coming from? This weird sudden rush of different emotions that I am feeling right now is very strange to me. I feel anger, I feel hurt, I feel regret, and I feel sadness. I thought I was a cold hearted and ruthless *****. I did not need anyone in my life. I was blunt with everyone and anyone. I was direct and to the point and did not like to socialize a lot. My life absolutely changed when I met her. I do not even know I got to know her and who made the emotional bond first but all I know is that I sensed some weird kind of connection to her. I thought she was really annoying at first but then slowly the affections grew.

She had come abroad and she happened to become my flat mate. I was too busy in my work to notice her properly at first and she remained busy with her studies but gradually I got to know her and began to notice her existence. I had thought that everything was going so well until today when I became mad at her. I got mad at her and now I was feeling depressed and down because I had kicked her out of the flat. I became mad at her for a petty issue and we had an argument. It was an argument that did not even carry any merit. I thought she was being too personal about my life when she was just trying to be friendly. Like I said, I always had that antisocial personality and kept to myself. This interaction with her was all new to me. I did not know how to handle all this and now she was gone. I was not in the mood and quite stressed out because of work and I came home. I escalated things for no reason. All she was trying to do was ask about the reason because of which I seemed tense and stressed to her. I told her none of your business like some teenager and became angry with her. I slapped her and then we had a fight and in which I told her to get out and she obliged.

I thought she was a strong individual and she would retaliate and not leave house so quickly but she was out before I knew it. I was so confused and depressed. I had no idea what to do about this. I had gone to her room and her belongings were still there. It saddened me to see her things because it reminded me of her and what had happened. She had fled in a hurry. I sat on her bed by the window, still grasping the situation and trying to get a grip on the happenings of the evening. I waited that whole night for her while sitting on her bed, in case she came back but she did not. Net day I went and started looking for her. I was a bit calm by now and not so depressed. I could think clearly. None of her friends knew where she had gone and she was not to be found in her university. I decided to file a missing person’s report in the local police station in the hope that they might be able to track her down for me. I was getting restless by the minute. I had a bad feeling in my gut and I knew that she thought of me as a best friend and sister. I had let her down, goddammit! I had no idea this would happen and I deeply regretted it. That night also I could not sleep in peace. I was restless, tossing and turning in bed and hoping she would just walk in and tell me she was all right.

I woke up the next morning and rang the station to ask about her whereabouts but they said that it was too soon and they needed some more time to search for the missing person. I was never the religious kind but I pondered over the idea of whether I should go to the local mosque and attend the Friday prayer and maybe god will listen to my prayer. I drove to the mosque and parked my car. Went inside and I felt a bit weird being in such a place. It had been ages that I had entered a religious institution and as I stood there with the ladies to pray the entering of the mosque prayer I kept on thinking about her. I prayed to god that let me find her! I closed my eyes and had tears in my eyes. Miraculously as soon as the tears had started flowing, I had a poke on my shoulder. I could hear someone calling my name. I looked towards them and saw it was she! “I did not expect you to be in a mosque,” she said to me. I could not hold back my tears. I told her that I had come to the mosque to pray to god that I find her and that I had looked everywhere for her. She replied by saying that she had come to the mosque to pray for me. I was speechless and asked her if she had stayed in the mosque the whole 2 days she was missing and she answered with a feeble yes. I saw little tears sprouting from her eyes and I apologized to her and hugged her. I told her how I missed her. How sad I felt when she was not there. How deeply regretful I was of the thing I had done. “I should not have slapped you,” I had said to her. She said that she was sorry for running away from home and making me worried. After the sermon finished and the prayers, I told her it was time I took her back home and she produced a big smile on my face when she readily complied.